Years in Hell
by Odinn Orn
Summary: Loki and Bartleby have lived through Hell, and are anxious to get out. . . .
1. Years in Hell

_I hope this won't offend anyone. It isn't meant to be offensive, it's just that the movie was a bit, so I might as well follow on to that. . . _

Rotting away in hell, Loki and Bartleby are taking in their daily torture for their sins. Screams echo in the underground shit hole. It's been 12 years since the happenings in New Jearsey, and still the ex-angels stand straight (and headless). Bartleby's head had been treated. It does wobble and occasionally fall off, but he gets by. Loki's still pissed about being stabbed and drawn to hell by his own best friend. Fights were brought up, but nothing changed. No-one lost, no-one won. 

      Now the Torture has ended, and it was time for everyone to rest naked on a bed of flames.

" 12 years, 12 years of my balls being burned off because of you and your little 'Oh! I wanna go home! But to go home, we have to destroy the universe!' " Loki said with an evil look.

" You think I knew about that? " said Bartleby, raising his voice " If I did, I would have at least thought of moving to- Ow! " A little pixie demon blew a great huge flame on to his chest.

" And kill me there? " Whispered Loki, trying not to get flames blown on him. " Lost my faith did I? You were planning war on God Herself! And that's keeping your faith? " He was now starting to really shout " I never wanted to do this, not after The Apostle told us there were gonna be consequences! "

" You stupid fuck! Wouldn't you have thought he was just fucking around? " This argument was drawing much attention to the sinners of hell " No-one in Heaven would have wanted us back! I thought he was sent just to stop us because She was still pissed with us!! And I know you thought so too! "

A Demon approached them " Ok you two, break it up! We don't Satan burning you up again! "

" No! " Cried Bartleby " This is between me, and Lokimakus. "

" What did you call me? "

" You heard me, Lokimakus. "

" You promised you wouldn't call me that! " Loki cried with a great look of betrayal on his face " You promised, you swore on God! "

" Why should I care about that? Why should I care about Her? "

" She helped you, before you died, you found your way! "

" That was 12 years ago! I knew I did things that were wrong, but why should I care about it now? "

" You bastard! You Fucking bastard!! "

Loki ran up to Bartleby and swung his fist into his face. Instantly, Bartleby's head flew off, and a fight had begun with fists and feet. A great roar echoed upon hell and everything stopped. Then the ground below Loki and the headless Bartleby crumbled and the pair fell in a pit of snakes a Demonic Lizards. .    


	2. Down to Earth

Down to Earth

Meanwhile on Earth, Bethany has raised her child  on her own  and still has her old job, but she gets by. Her son, Alan, is now 12 and a half years old, and very rebellious and a bit of a troublemaker. 

" Alan, have you brushed your teeth? " Bethany asks while packing lunch for her son

" Of course I flippin' have! " He says rudely, stuffing 3 chocolate cookies in his mouth.

Everything is ready and the small boy is ready for school.

" Alan! One more thing. " His mum grabs him by the arm and stares at him. " If that boy starts teasing and hitting you again, you-"

" I smack him round the face with my fist, kick him in the balls and call him Princess Margaret. Mum, don't be so flippin up tight woman! "

Bethany just stares for a while. " I don't that's something God would like Alan, "

"Fuck God! " Alan says, with a small look of anger on his face "He's not real! He hasn't done anything to help me! " He twists so Bethany's grasp falls and stomps off onto the streets.

Bethany sighs and looks on.

" Quite the little rat ain't he? " A voice says behind her.

She turns around and standing there is Metatron, the voice of God.

" Metatron! " Bethany gasps. " Why are you here? "

" Oh, I've got some news. Could we take this into the living room? "

" Of course "

They move into the living room and  Metatron sits down.

" Would you like some coffee? " Bethany asks politely

" No thanks. I'd rather have fresh tequila!"

"  Haven't got any, in case Alan finds it. " 

" That's ok. I brought me own! " He gets out a big 2l bottle of tequila.

" I'll get glasses. "

" No it's fine. I've got some here. " He gets out three pint sized glasses from his coat.

" Who's the 3rd person? " Bethany asks

" There's no 2nd or 3rd person. They're all for me. "

Bethany sits down with a look of disgust.

" So what's the news? "

" Oh yes. It's about Bartleby and Loki. They've really cheesed off Satan, so he sent them to a camp in between Heaven and Hell call Heavell, the 2nd apostle named it. 2 years later he was condemned. Anyway, this place is supposed to calm you down. It has the pleasures of Heaven and the tortures of Hell. There's one catch. If you get out, you fall down to Earth with no sins on you, and no good stuff on you and you can't die, because you're already dead. BUT, if you escape from Heavell, you create a hole in the wall, that gets bigger and bigger every second, so other creatures can escape too, even the biggest and the baddest, who've been naughty in Hell. "

" Lemme guess. Bartleby and Loki escaped and some big demon is out killing people as we speak? " Bethany says with a tone of sarcasm

" Hole in one girl! " cries Metatron with a smile. " Ya know, I think you might deserve this " He pushes his 3rd glass of tequila towards Bethany. She smiles.

" No thanks. So what do I have to do? "

" Well, it's not just you, it's also your son. He still doesn't know the secret about himself, and you must tell him. He's the only one, along with you and. . . ."

There was a knock on the door. Bethany stands up and walks to the door.

" I hope she hasn't changed. It's OK if her boobs are bigger and she wants to fuck us now that she's not pregnant no more, but I hope she ain't ugly or has a fake ass!" A voice says from outside. Bethany opens the door. " Holy shit there is a God! Look, man! She's moved to a d-cup! Holy shit!! "

Standing and staring at Bethany's chest are the two and only Jay and Silent Bob

_And that's the end of that chapter!_


End file.
